“Monster Cash”

“Monster Cash”

By Lance Tominaga, ESPN Honolulu Web Editor

Happy Halloween! Here’s a reworked Boris Pickett ditty just for you. Sing it to the tune of “Monster Mash”!

I was sitting at home, watching TV
When my cell phone rang, it was my star QB
He was ranting and raving, he sure seemed steamed
He took a deep breath, then suddenly screamed:

“Give me some cash, I want some Monster Cash!”
Some Monster Cash, or I’ll play like trash
I want some cash, and I want it in a flash
I want some cash, I want some Monster Cash!”

I groaned and thought, “Oh, not this again”
Another case of this most disturbing trend
“It doesn’t work that way,” I tried to explain
But he cut me off, and then again complained:

“I need some cash, I want some Monster Cash!”
Some Monster Cash, or I’ll play like trash
I want some cash, and I want it in a flash
I want some cash, I want some Monster Cash!”

“You know I’m your MVP, why should I play for free?
I love my teammates, sure, but I gotta think of me!”

I started pacing the room, I was pulling my hair
Who knew coaching could bring so much despair?
“I can’t do this, son, you know this just ain’t right”
But my star QB had only begun to fight

He wanted cash, he wanted Monster Cash
Some Monster Cash, or he’d play like trash
He wanted cash, and he wanted it all in a flash
He wanted cash, He wanted Monster Cash!

There was tension in the air, like you wouldn’t believe
My QB was upset, and got more and more peeved
“Tell me, Coach, why can’t I get paid?”
“Well, for one thing, son, you’re in the sixth grade!”

“But I still want cash, I want some Monster Cash!”
Some Monster Cash, or I’ll play like trash
I want some cash, and I want it in a flash
I want some cash, I want some Monster Cash!”

But now everything’s cool, he’s still part of the team
Turns out he was grounded, and was blowing off steam
If you got an athlete that you need to please
Do what I did: Hello, Chuck E. Cheese!

Just don’t pay him cash, don’t pay him Monster Cash!
No Monster Cash, he won’t play like trash
Don’t pay him cash, don’t let your whole team crash
Don’t pay him cash, don’t pay him Monster Cash!

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